


my heart is anywhere with you

by redexo



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Future Fic, Pining, post-disbandment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redexo/pseuds/redexo
Summary: Thousands of miles in between them, yet Tzuyu can’t help but long for the home she no longer has.-In which Chaeyoung is Tzuyu's home, but Chaeyoung is a hopeless wanderer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Horizontal lines usually mark large time gaps between scenes, or used to separate message conversations

Chou Tzuyu has always been a homebody. It was in her blood. From an early age, she’s preferred a routine to any type of change. Some might think that moving to a foreign country would help, but it only made her worse. She used to long for the familiarity of her family and home late at night, when she was alone in the darkness after endless hours of juggling school and training.

When she debuted, she got all that. Her unnies became her family, and their dorm was her home. It was familiar and permanent. Even after all the promotions and concerts and fansigns, they’d always return to the place she called home with her family. Tzuyu loved the routine of it all, the niche she created in the wild rollercoaster that was now her life.

“Tzuyu, do you wanna travel the world with me?” Chaeyoung asks her one night when everyone else in the dorm is deep asleep, and they had to wake up early for a schedule tomorrow. Tzuyu is half-asleep when Chaeyoung’s question pierces through the room, impossibly loud in the silence.

“Sure.” Tzuyu doesn’t even have to think twice about the question. She hums and pats the space in her bed beside her. Chaeyoung doesn’t ask any questions, just silently climbs in Tzuyu’s bed and adjusts to Tzuyu’s arms wrapping around her.

This became a regular occurrence, back when they were both sixteen and Tzuyu was facing the backlash simply for holding a flag that she didn’t think was a big deal at the time.

She’d find comfort in nights like these, curled up with Chaeyoung where the media couldn’t rip her apart for every move she made. Sometimes they’d talk until the late hours of the night, other times, they would just let the silence and the presence of the other lull them to sleep. 

Tzuyu feels herself nodding off again when Chaeyoung asks, “Where would you wanna go?”

“I’ll go wherever you go, Chaeng,” Tzuyu mumbles, her eyes drooping. 

Chayoung nods to herself, satisfied. “Okay.”

They don’t talk after that, just choosing to relax instead. Tzuyu falls asleep listening to Chaeyoung’s soft snores, feeling completely at home in that moment.

* * *

Everything starts to change when everyone starts looking for their own apartments. They’re practically a family at this point, but even a family gets sick of each other. The dorm gets cramped, and there’s only three bathrooms to share between nine girls, and it’d be nice to have some time to themselves.

That’s what her unnies keep telling her, at least. They’ve lived together for this long without any relationship ending fights, so Tzuyu doesn’t see why they have to change everything she knows about life. She doesn’t know why the routine is changing.

Nayeon tells her about an apartment complex JYP owns that his idols can rent so they don’t have to worry about non-idol neighbors. Tzuyu supposes that’s alright, but nothing can beat the years of memories the old dorm has. It won’t be the same, but the complex sounds okay.

In the end, she, Nayeon, Momo, Mina, and Sana rent out rooms in JYP’s apartment complex. Dahyun got a nice, cheap apartment a ten minute drive away from the complex. Jihyo got one right next to the studio, and Jeongyeon got hers a bit closer to her family. 

Chaeyoung got one in the middle of Seoul.

Tzuyu ignores the way her heart clenches when she realizes Chaeyoung wouldn’t be a two minute walk away like Nayeon said they would. The city suits Chaeyoung, she reasons. There’s so many things to explore, and Chaeyoung will love that.

The first night in her new apartment is unfamiliar and lonely. Tzuyu hates the feeling. She unconsciously taps the bed, something she does for comfort, before she realizes that Chaeyoung isn’t a couple feet away from her anymore. She’s a drive across town now. 

A restless hour later, she’s standing outside of Nayeon’s door, barefoot and shivering. She stands there for a long time, contemplating on whether she should knock or not before giving in and gently rapping on the wood with her knuckles. It swings open a few moments later, revealing a sleepy Nayeon. She takes in Tzuyu’s hunched posture and immediately hugs her.

“It’s weird,” Nayeon says quietly while they cuddle on her bed.

Tzuyu nods and swallows. “It’s too quiet without your snores.”

Nayeon scowls and pokes Tzuyu’s nose playfully, making her giggle. After that, they don’t speak anymore, and Tzuyu hears Nayeon’s breathing even out before letting her own eyes close. 

The next night, they end up in the same position. And the next night. But Tzuyu’s nothing if not determined, and she resolves to spend the night in her own room, despite Nayeon’s assurances that she is free to come to her room whenever she likes.

“I need to do this for me, unnie,” Tzuyu tells her. She can’t rely on Nayeon every night to help her fall asleep. If she wants to make a new home in her apartment, she needs to be able to sleep in it first.

It’s hard at first, and she barely sleeps at all, but each night gets easier. It gets to a point where Tzuyu basically gets the amount of sleep she needs to function properly during a schedule. The small yearning for a midnight talk with a certain member never completely goes away, but it gets better.

She thinks she’ll be able to learn to live with it.

Tzuyu prepares for another night of falling asleep watching some drama and ignoring the urge to call Chaeyoung when there’s a knock at her door. She opens it without a second thought, expecting one of her members to be on the other side. Nayeon sometimes comes over and watches the drama with her, and Sana likes roping Tzuyu into helping her bake whatever creation she finds interesting on Instagram. 

She doesn’t expect Chaeyoung to be standing at her door, looking up at Tzuyu with her familiar grin that feels more like home than this apartment ever has. 

“Tzuyu-ah, it’s been two weeks and this is the first time I’ve seen your apartment.” Chaeyoung pouts, and Tzuyu resists the automatic urge to hug the other girl until she smiles again. It’s only been two weeks since they stopped living together, but for Tzuyu, it feels like there’s this new gap between them now. She’s unsure on how to navigate it.

“I didn’t know you wanted to see it,” Tzuyu mumbles, looking down at her shoes. She feels strangely small in the moment, even though she’s practically a head taller than Chaeyoung.

For being a maknae, Chaeyoung has always been very independent. She seemed happy to get an apartment and live on her own, and Tzuyu didn’t want to bother her newfound independence. She’s a bit jealous of Chaeyoung in that respect. Tzuyu’s only a few months younger than Chaeyoung, but she feels much younger in moments like these. Chaeyoung probably didn’t have to seek comfort in an unnie the first night away from the dorm. 

Chaeyoung makes a face. “Of course I wanted to see it. I got tired of waiting for you to invite me over though, so I decided to come today.”

Tzuyu nods and lets Chaeyoung take a closer look at her apartment. She examines the apartment with sharp eyes, taking in the small amount of furniture and pictures. Tzuyu knows her apartment lacks personality, but she hasn’t been motivated to find more furniture or hang any pictures up. She probably should get around to that though, since it’d probably help her apartment feel more like a home than an unfamiliar place she uses for sleeping.

“Do you want to go to the Han River?” Chaeyoung asks while Tzuyu pours her a glass of water. It’s completely random, and it’s so _ Chaeyoung_, it doesn’t phase Tzuyu at all.

She glances outside. The sun is setting, and it’s going to be dark soon. She normally starts her daily drama session at this time, but looking at Chaeyoung’s face, she figures it can wait. “Sure.”

By the time they drive there, it’s dark and the lights shine brightly against the night sky. Chaeyoung looks around with a wide grin, grabbing her hand and pulling her on a more secluded pathway.

They’ve never been very talkative. Tzuyu prefers to stay quiet and observe, while Chaeyoung has a tendency to get lost in her own surroundings. They mostly walk in a comfortable silence, neither one feeling the need to fill the space between them with mindless conversation.

Occasionally, Chaeyoung will blurt out what she’s thinking, and Tzuyu will listen. It’s another routine they’ve worked out in their years of knowing each other. Tzuyu enjoys listening to Chaeyoung ramble, even though sometimes she can’t understand half the things Chaeyoung is saying. Chaeyoung is all about art and creativity and freedom. Tzuyu likes the order and routine of life. They’re both so different, but that’s what makes them work. Tzuyu keeps Chaeyoung grounded to reality, and Chaeyoung shows Tzuyu the world through a dreamer’s lens.

Chaeyoung tells her about a new song she’s working on, and the lights cast a soft glow over her face, illuminating the excitement in her eyes. A warm feeling spreads throughout Tzuyu’s body as she looks at Chaeyoung.

It’s a feeling she’s become accustomed to over the years when she’s near Chaeyoung. Tzuyu usually writes it off as a result of her exceptionally close friendship with Chaeyoung. After all, people normally don’t consider a friend as their _ home_. At least, not to the extent Tzuyu does. But she never thought it was unusual because it’s hard to spend every waking moment with someone and not become close.

In fact, she never thought twice about it.

However, standing here with Chaeyoung at the Han River, Tzuyu thinks she should probably have some self-reflection of her relationship with Chaeyoung because she’s pretty sure people’s stomachs don’t do tiny flips when they look at their friends.

She pushes it to the back of her mind for now, squeezing Chaeyoung’s hand instead. Chaeyoung smiles at her and rubs her thumb over Tzuyu’s knuckles. Her heart speeds up, and she pointedly ignores it.

She’ll figure it out later.

“Nayeon-unnie,” Tzuyu asks one night while they’re sitting on the couch, binging a drama. “What’s it like being in love?”

“I thought we agreed not to mention work while having our nightly TV sessions,” Nayeon responds, pausing the TV nonetheless and giving Tzuyu her full attention.

Tzuyu shakes her head. “I’m not talking about our song, I’m being serious. How do you know if you’re in love?”

“You should probably be asking Jihyo about this,” Nayeon says with a laugh. “She knows more about love than I do.”

Nayeon has a point. Jihyo’s been dating Daniel for nearly four years now, and Tzuyu’s pretty sure they’ve started discussing getting married. Not that Jihyo would ever get married while still being in Twice, but they’ve talked about it for the far future. 

“I want to hear your opinion,” Tzuyu insists.

Nayeon contemplates the question for a few long moments, then she sighs. “I think you know when you’re in love when you can’t live without them.”

“That can be plenty of different people. Like my parents, or my dog, or my members, or even Onces.”

“Well, you love all those things, right?” Nayeon asks, and Tzuyu nods. “You need them in your life. If they ever left, nothing would be the same.”

“Isn’t that sad though? Shouldn’t you be able to live your life normally, even when you break-up?”

It takes a second for Tzuyu to realize Nayeon isn’t responding, and she steals a glance at the older girl, a question on the tip of her tongue. Nayeon’s expression stops her from saying anything.

Nayeon looks _ sad._ Not the close-to-tears type of sad, but the hole-in-chest, empty-feeling type of sad, and Tzuyu doesn’t know what to do about it. She’s about to tell Nayeon to forget about it when Nayeon speaks up.

“I think, if you really loved someone, they’ll always affect you for the rest of your life. Whether it’s for better or for worse, that’s up to you.”

Tzuyu gets the feeling they aren’t talking hypothetically anymore, and she squirms in her spot on the couch. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry.”

Nayeon chuckles. “What are you sorry for?”

“Dragging up memories, I guess.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.” She looks at Tzuyu with raised eyebrows. “Why the sudden interest in love though?”

Tzuyu’s eyes dart to the paused screen with the two leads staring at each other lovingly. “All these characters seem to always know whether they’re in love or not, and I was just curious how they always knew.” She hopes nothing on her face gives it away.

From the look Nayeon gives her, it doesn’t work. Nayeon’s surprisingly observant, and Tzuyu attributes it to her being the oldest. She’s usually called the fake maknae by fans, but Nayeon feels lots of responsibility for the members, especially the younger ones.

“Tzuyu-ya, you can tell me anything,” Nayeon says, her voice soft and quiet. Tzuyu feels the sincerity dripping from Nayeon’s words.

She sighs, laying down and placing her head in Nayeon’s lap. “I know, unnie. Just not now.”

Nayeon doesn’t push the matter, instead she presses play and settles back into the couch, her hands coming up to play with Tzuyu’s hair. It’s comforting, something Tzuyu desperately needs at the moment. She doesn’t really pay attention to the TV screen. Her mind is racing with the new information Nayeon shared.

Could she live without Chaeyoung? She’s such a vital part of Tzuyu’s life, she can’t even begin to imagine not having Chaeyoung with her. But it was like that for all her members, so does this really tell Tzuyu the answer to her question?

“You’ll know if you’re in love,” Nayeon tells her before she leaves to her own apartment. “It might take a while, but you’ll always figure it out in the end.”

Tzuyu nods, storing the information away. She hugs Nayeon tightly. “Thank you, unnie.”

* * *

When the curtain closes, Tzuyu feels empty. 

At first, she doesn’t cry like many of her members do. She doesn’t even think she has it in her to cry right now. 

Ten years. She can’t believe she spent ten years of her life performing on stage, doing what she loved, making people genuinely _ happy_, and now it’s all over. It all feels surreal to her, like she’s in a dream and she’s going to wake up tomorrow in the dorm for an early schedule.

Everything’s real though. It come crashing down on her at once, and she can feel the tears start to flow.

Twice is disbanded now. They’re never going to put on another concert, or spend days on end holed up in the studio, or frantically try to learn the dance steps to a new song together. That part of her life is over.

She’s glances at Chaeyoung, who’s teary-eyed but not crying. She’s probably waiting until she’s in the safety of her apartment later tonight, and the thought makes Tzuyu’s chest ache. She wishes Chaeyoung just let it all out and let them support her instead of crying when she’s alone.

Tzuyu doesn’t say that though. She walks over, wiping her tears away. Chaeyoung smiles when she catches sight of her, sad and small.

“It’s really over,” she says once Tzuyu’s close enough to hear her over the music being played to the crowd.

“Yeah.” Tzuyu pauses, swallowing the lump from the back of her throat. “I can’t believe it.”

“Same.”

Tzuyu doesn’t know what happens from here. 

“I’m leaving for Taiwan soon,” Tzuyu says into the darkness, trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’s going to see her family in less than twenty-four hours.

Everything seems familiar, from Dahyun’s soft snores to Chaeyoung lying on the bed next to Tzuyu. If she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine they’re sixteen again, newly-debuted and dreaming of becoming Korea’s top girl group.

It had been Jihyo’s idea to rent their old dorm the first night after they disbanded. Tzuyu thinks it’s poetic how they started out in this dorm, and now they’re ending in it too.

“When?” Chaeyoung asks, startling Tzuyu. She thought the older girl had already fallen asleep, and she didn’t expect anyone to answer.

“Tomorrow,” Tzuyu whispers. She thought it was a good idea at the time. Tzuyu had just received the news of the incoming disbandment, and she didn’t know what to do with herself. She yearned for the familiar safety of her parents, so in a split-second decision, she purchased a one-way ticket to Taiwan for the day after their final concert. 

She hears Chaeyoung shift around, and Tzuyu resists the urge to pat the bed. Isn’t she getting a bit old to ask to sleep in the same bed as Chaeyoung? She doesn’t have to ask. A moment later, Chaeyoung lifts the covers to Tzuyu’s bed and slips underneath. On instinct, Tzuyu pulls her closer, tucking Chaeyoung’s head under her chin.

“How long are you leaving for?” 

Tzuyu bites her lip. “I don’t know.”

Saying it to Chaeyoung makes it feel a hundred times more real. She’s leaving her members, her friends, her new home.

She’s leaving Chaeyoung.

“Oh,” Chaeyoung murmurs, and Tzuyu wishes desperately there was light so she can see the expression on Chaeyoung’s face. 

“I miss my family,” Tzuyu says, feeling the need to explain herself, explain why she’s leaving everything behind in Korea. She wants so badly to give Chaeyoung an explanation, but she doesn’t know what to say. 

“I understand. It must be very hard being away from home all the time.”

And there was that word again. _ Home_. What exactly is home to Tzuyu? It’s her family home in Taiwan, but it’s also Twice’s old dorm, and it’s her apartment she’s owned for two solid years. It’s Taiwan, and it’s Korea. It’s where she feels safe and comfortable, where she feels like she _ belongs_.

Tzuyu realizes Chaeyoung is her home too, and she has been for a long time.

“Chaeyoung,” Tzuyu says before pausing. She wants to find a way to tell Chaeyoung the jumbled thoughts running through her mind, but something stops her. 

She’s leaving the country tomorrow, and since she’s no longer a part of Twice, she’s most likely staying in Taiwan for an indefinite amount of time. 

It wouldn’t be fair to her or to Chaeyoung to string her along when Tzuyu doesn’t even know when she’ll be returning. Truthfully, she doesn’t know if she’ll live in Korea permanently. She already sold her apartment, and the only thing truly tying her to Korea is her members.

She’s not even sure what exactly she feels for Chaeyoung. Is it really love? Or is Tzuyu’s homebody personality latching onto the home she’s made in Chaeyoung.

“Yes?” Chaeyoung says when the silence stretches for too long.

Tzuyu makes a decision. She swallows down the words threatening to burst from her lips, plastering on a smile instead even though Chaeyoung can’t see her. “Nothing. Just...don’t forget to call me once in a while while I’m gone.”

Chaeyoung’s hand slides down Tzuyu’s arm, and she links their fingers together. “I’ll call you everyday.”

It’s a promise, and Tzuyu can’t help but feel hopeful for the future. Maybe one day, when she figures out whether she wants to spend the rest of her life in Korea or in Taiwan, she’ll tell Chaeyoung everything she wants to say.

For now, she’s content to live in the moment with Chaeyoung, pushing away any thoughts of leaving.

The next day, there’s lots of tears at the airport during Tzuyu’s farewell. All her unnies are crying because the maknae is the first to go, and to an entirely different country no less. They force her to promise to keep in touch and visit them as often as possible, not that Tzuyu needs much convincing.

She gives each of them a tight hug, knowing this will be the last time for quite a bit. When she reaches Chaeyoung, she expects the shorter girl to koala-hug her like usual, but instead, Chaeyoung just studies Tzuyu.

“Chaeng?” Tzuyu says because there’s something indecipherable in Chaeyoung’s eyes that has Tzuyu shifting from foot to foot. 

The strange look disappears, and Chaeyoung pulls Tzuyu into a hug, tucking her head in the crook of Tzuyu’s neck. “Everyday,” she murmurs.

“Everyday,” Tzuyu echoes, not wanting to let go.

Eventually she does though, and she looks back at her members before she boards the plane. They’re waving and smiling at her, and her gut clenches.

_ Soon_, she says to herself as she’s led to her seat. She’ll be back soon.

* * *

**To: Chaengie **

Just landed

**Delivered at 12:21 am.**

**From: Chaengie**

glad u arrived safely

**Delivered at 12:22 am.**

**To: Chaengie**

I’ll facetime you when I get home

**Delivered at 12:23 am.**

**From: Chaengie**

i’ll be waiting :)

**Delivered at 12:25 am.**

* * *

**From: Chaengie**

i pet a dog today on the street  
u would’ve liked him

**Delivered at 1:47 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Did you at least take a picture

**Delivered at 1:52 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

[image recieved]

**Delivered at 1:53 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

That’s an adorable pic

**Delivered at 1:53 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

i know

**Delivered at 1:53 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

I miss you

**Unsent.**

**To: Chaengie**

I miss everyone

**Delivered at 1:56 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

we miss u too

**Delivered at 2:00 pm.**

* * *

**From: Chaengie**

sorry i missed ur call  
i was at a music festival

**Delivered at 5:32 am.**

**To: Chaengie**

It’s okay  
I figured you were busy

**Delivered at 9:22 am.**

**From: Chaengie**

i’ll try to call later tonight  
but i might be with friends  
so i’m not sure

**Delivered at 1:19 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Ok

**Delivered at 1:20 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

can i call u tomorrow  
it’s really loud here rn

**Delivered at 7:39 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Sure  
I’ll be waiting :)

**Delivered at 7:51 pm.**

* * *

**To: Chaengie**

What are you doing rn

**Delivered at 11:13 am.**

**From: Chaengie**

driving to incheon

**Delivered at 12:01 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

What for

**Delivered at 12:37 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

a roadtrip

**Delivered at 4:48 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Oh cool  
Where

**Delivered at 5:23 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

idk  
wherever the road leads me i guess

**Delivered at 5:44 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Ok lol  
Let me know when you figure out where you’re going

**Delivered at 5:58 pm.**

* * *

**To: Chaengie**

How have you been

**Delivered at 2:50 pm.**

**From: Chaengie**

just exploring the city for the hundredth time  
i wanna go somewhere different tho  
i know seoul like the back of my hand already

**Delivered at 2:52 pm.**

**To: Chaengie**

Try going to a different city then

**Delivered at 2:57 pm.**

* * *

Tzuyu mindlessly scrolls through Instagram, liking the various pictures her members posted, when she stumbles across a post that has her pausing. She reads over the words again, then for a third time.

_ Home is where the heart is_.

Tzuyu’s been in Taiwan for five months, and she’s thought about this the entire time she’s been here. She misses Korea, and the busy life Seoul has to offer. She misses her members.

She misses Chaeyoung.

Tzuyu is struck with a revelation.

She sits up straighter, pausing the TV and turning to face her parents. They look at her in confusion, and she swallows down her nerves. “I need to tell you something.”

Four hours and many tears later, she’s booking a one-way ticket back to Korea.

* * *

**To: Chaengie**

I’m coming back tomorrow

**Delivered at 12:11 am.**

**From: Unknown Number**

Message sent to invalid destination.  
Please check your number and try again.

**Delivered at 12:11 am.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me experimenting a bit with my style of writing and plot. What do you think so far?


	2. Chapter 2

**To: Nabongs**

Did something happen to Chaeng’s phone

**Delivered at 12:34 am.**

**From: Nabongs**

remember  
she deactivated it

**Delivered at 9:11 am.**

**To: Nabongs**

Oh right  
Thanks 

**Delivered at 9:17 am.**

**To: Nabongs**

I’m boarding the plane now

**Delivered at 9:56 am.**

**From: Nabongs**

can’t wait to see you!

**Delivered at 9:57 am.**

* * *

Tzuyu stands in line, pulling her hoodie to cover just a bit more of her face. It’s been almost half a year since Twice officially disbanded, but the media is hungry for anything they could get their hands on. 

Just a month ago, Tzuyu’s face was plastered on the front page of magazines and online articles, saying how she supposedly met someone while staying in Taiwan. They had pictures of her and the guy and everything.

Granted, it was one of her brother’s friends, and they were only waiting for her brother to grab their takeout, but that didn’t stop the netizens from gushing about it for the following few weeks. Tzuyu couldn’t leave her house for the longest time.

Once an idol, always an idol, she supposes.

She grabs her luggage and walks towards the entrance. She nearly forgot how busy Seoul can get, and there’s bodies everywhere, shoving and talking. Someone almost knocks her over, and he mutters a hurried apology before moving on. Tzuyu rights herself and scans the room.

When she spots a familiar face, her shoulders sag in relief. Tzuyu rushes over and gives Jihyo a tight hug, almost melting in her calming presence. 

“Tzuyu-ya,” Jihyo says. Tzuyu can hear the relief in her voice. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too,” she mumbles, muffled by Jihyo’s hair.

Jihyo pulls back, still holding onto Tzuyu by her arms. She looks over Tzuyu carefully. “Have you gotten taller?”

Tzuyu laughs at Jihyo’s pout. “Where’s everyone else?” she asks, eager to see her members after months of just seeing them through a tiny screen. 

“Am I not enough for you?”

Tzuyu raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, and shoves Jihyo a little.

“Ah, just kidding,” Jihyo says. She grins. “Everyone’s at Nayeon’s apartment waiting to see you.”

“Lead the way.”

When Tzuyu walks through the doorway, she’s nearly tackled to the ground by Sana. Tzuyu sways unsteadily as Sana clings to her, trying to keep her balance before she makes another hole in Nayeon’s apartment walls.

(The first hole she accidentally made is a long story. It involved Nayeon, a dare, and a very drunk Tzuyu).

“Sana-unnie,” she says dryly, looking down at the older girl. Sana gives her a blinding smile, and Tzuyu’s facade cracks. Tzuyu returns the smile and hugs her, reveling in the presence of her members.

Tzuyu goes around to everyone, but she can’t help but notice one person isn’t here. She tries not to think too hard about Chaeyoung’s whereabouts. Chaeyoung likes to explore, and she can go for days on end without a word to any of them sometimes. 

If Chaeyoung’s phone is truly deactivated, it’ll be almost impossible to get a hold of her unless Tzuyu stakes out in Chaeyoung’s apartment. Tzuyu sighs, realizing she won’t get to see Chaeyoung as soon as she had hoped.

She’ll see Chaeyoung eventually though, and Tzuyu will tell her everything she’s figured out during the trip in Taiwan. She has a lot to say.

Until then, Tzuyu will just enjoy the large cuddle session they’re all having, reminiscent of their younger days. She doesn’t want to bring up Chaeyoung at the moment because she doesn’t want any of her unnies thinking she wants to see Chaeyoung more than them.

Plus, in her own selfish way, Tzuyu wants to keep her first meeting with Chaeyoung private for now. It’s slightly ridiculous, but Tzuyu’s been waiting for this moment for five months. She figures she can be a little ridiculous.

“How was Taipei?” Dahyun asks, her face squished against Tzuyu’s shoulder.

Tzuyu shrugs the unoccupied shoulder. “It got a little boring after a while, but it was nice being able to stay with my family for so long.”

“So you’re staying in Korea?” Momo pipes up, shifting to look at Tzuyu, a slightly hopeful glint in her eye.

Ah, the million-dollar question. 

She thinks of Taiwan, of laughter at the dinner table and messing around with her younger cousins in her backyard. The supermarket down the street she and her mother frequented Monday morning, and playing chess with her father in front of the warm fireplace. 

She also thinks of the endless days spent trying to convince herself to stay with her family like a good daughter would, and the long nights spent staring at the sky, trying to ignore the hole in her chest.

She thinks of Korea, of her members, who she’s bound to by anything but blood, and the millions of memories she’s made here, both good and bad. She thinks of leaving the safety of her parents and creating a home here.

She thinks of Chaeyoung, and her heart beats a little faster.

“I want to,” Tzuyu responds. She means it.

It’s late, and everyone starts to head home. Nayeon offered for Tzuyu to stay at her apartment for now since Tzuyu doesn’t really like staying in hotels, especially if she’s alone. She’d much rather sleep in a familiar place with a familiar person.

Chaeyoung still hasn’t come by, and Tzuyu pushes down the rising disappointment. They’ll see each other soon, and Tzuyu will have her chance.

She’s curious about where Chaeyoung could possibly be. The last time Tzuyu texted her (two weeks ago), Chaeyoung was talking about going to a different city, since Seoul was getting a bit too boring for her.

Tzuyu can’t exactly relate to the sentiment. Seoul is a huge, bustling city, and she doesn’t think it could ever be boring when there’s all the different places to see. Chaeyoung’s attention has always been a bit harder to keep though.

She refrains from asking Nayeon about Chaeyoung.

Tzuyu thinks they’ll see each other soon. She’s a bit of a romantic at heart, and she wants to believe love will triumph in the end. She and Chaeyoung will find each other on their own time, and Tzuyu doesn’t need to pester Nayeon about her.

She has time.

Tzuyu’s in the heart of Seoul, and there’s so much going on around her. If she lived here, it would certainly overwhelm her, living in such a busy area. Chaeyoung thrives in the unexpected. It’s perfect for her to live here.

Tzuyu fiddles with the key to Chaeyoung’s apartment, wondering if she should go in. She already knocked twice, but it seems like Chaeyoung isn’t home right now. 

Is it weird if she somewhat breaks into Chaeyoung’s apartment? When Chaeyoung gave her a spare key, she did say Tzuyu was welcome anytime, but it was different back then.

Tzuyu didn’t leave for five months back then.

She pushes away the doubt and unlocks the door, her hands shaking a tiny bit. She’s excited to see Chaeyoung, but she’s also extremely nervous. She knows Chaeyoung isn’t here at the moment, but the idea of seeing her soon makes butterflies explode in her stomach.

The apartment is just as she remembered. It’s a bit more personal than Tzuyu’s old apartment, with pictures and knick-knacks everywhere, picked up from Chaeyoung’s various adventures. It’s also strangely clean, something Chaeyoung usually struggles with. There aren’t any dishes stacked in the sink, or shoes and clothes scattered around the floor.

Tzuyu peeks into Chaeyoung’s room, the door wide open. There’s more polaroids and paintings on the walls than the last time Tzuyu was here. Chaeyoung definitely did lots of things while Tzuyu was away. She looks at the photos and new paintings with a small smile. The room screams Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu loves it. 

When she’s finished, Tzuyu tiptoes out of Chaeyoung’s room, but not before noticing the neatly-made bed. She shakes off the odd sense of foreboding in her gut. Chaeyoung could’ve changed her cleaning habits to be, well, existent now. A clean apartment is nothing to fret over, no matter how odd it is.

It’s only two in the afternoon, and when Chaeyoung normally goes out, she doesn’t get home until late. Tzuyu should prepare to wait for at least a couple more hours, so she falls on the couch and opens Netflix on her phone.

Tzuyu doesn’t mind waiting. She’ll wait for as long as she needs to.

Chaeyoung doesn’t show up at the apartment that night. 

Tzuyu doesn’t leave. She doesn’t want to risk missing Chaeyoung. If she does, it could be a long time before she’s able to get a hold of her again, considering Chaeyoung doesn’t have a phone.

Chaeyoung doesn’t come the next day either. It takes three days and two nights before Tzuyu finally caves and decides to ask Nayeon where Chaeyoung could possibly be.

She knows they have time, but time is precious, and she wants as much of it spent with Chaeyoung as she can.

“So where’s Chaeyoung been lately?”

She and Nayeon are eating take-out at Nayeon’s apartment, and Tzuyu attempts to bring up Chaeyoung casually. It’s the third night of no Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu is a bit worried. Any disappearance over three days tends to do that to someone.

Nayeon pauses, the chopsticks halfway to her mouth. She furrows her eyebrows at Tzuyu. “Chaeyoung? Like our Chaeyoung?”

“Obviously.” Tzuyu rolls her eyes. Who else would she be talking about?

Nayeon shrugs. “I dunno, probably out enjoying all the new cities. I haven’t talked to her in a while.”

“Why?”

Nayeon raises her eyebrows, a silent question on her face. “Because she’s in Europe?”

Tzuyu freezes.

Nayeon stares at her.

After an eternity, Tzuyu regains control of body again. She swallows down the lump in her throat and tries her best to sound nonchalant. “Oh.”

“She didn’t tell you?”

Tzuyu shakes her head wordlessly.

“Tzuyu-ya.” Nayeon’s looking at her in pity now, and Tzuyu hates it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she says, even though she feels far from fine at the moment.

It stings that Chaeyoung didn’t tell her, even though Tzuyu shouldn’t be too surprised. Chaeyoung has this innate need to experience everything the world has to offer, and that often manifested in disappearing for days and coming back with countless stories to tell everyone.

It’s a foreign concept to Tzuyu, not to map everything out before she does anything. To Chaeyoung, it’s in her blood to be brash and reckless, to go to random places without the slightest idea of what she’s doing or when she’ll be back.

But going to a different _ continent _ without even bothering to tell Tzuyu?

She sets down her chopsticks, not feeling very hungry anymore. “Why’d she go?” 

It hurts to think about Chaeyoung thousands of miles away, but Tzuyu needs to know if there’s a good reason.

“She wanted to try backpacking through Europe. A soul-searching trip or something like that.” Nayeon, always so observant, most likely doesn’t buy Tzuyu’s act, but she also doesn’t ask questions. Tzuyu’s grateful.

“Is that why she disconnected her phone?” Tzuyu asks, everything starting to make sense. The phone, the clean apartment, even their last text exchange. Chaeyoung was always going to leave.

Nayeon nods. “She said something about getting the full experience, whatever that means.”

Of course Chaeyoung would disappear without a word to backpack across Europe with no way to contact her, all for some soul-searching. She’s a wandering soul, and Tzuyu should’ve expected something like this would happen eventually.

Tzuyu clenches her jaw, feeling sick to her stomach.

Nayeon eyes her carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Tzuyu forces out a small smile. “Just tired. I think I might go to bed soon.”

She’s not lying. She’s physically tired from sleeping on Chaeyoung’s couch two nights in a row, since it didn’t really accommodate Tzuyu’s height.

She’s mentally and emotionally exhausted too. 

After five long months of figuring out what she really wants, she’s ready to chase after it. Unfortunately, it’s hard to chase someone when you have no idea where they are, or when they’ll come back.

Tzuyu doesn’t know what to do now.

* * *

**To: Chaengie**

I figured out you’re my home  
But you aren’t here

**Delivered at 11:26 pm.**

**From: Unknown Number**

Message sent to invalid destination.  
Please check your number and try again.

**Delivered at 11:26 pm.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your comments and kudos! I'm glad people enjoy it so far


	3. Chapter 3

Tzuyu holes herself up inside the studio where Jihyo often spends her time, taking her shot at songwriting and composing again. It’s incredibly difficult, but it keeps her mind of Chaeyoung. If she had a choice, she wouldn’t leave.

Unfortunately, Jeongyeon is not content with letting that happen.

“Tzuyu-ya, we’re going outside.”

“Do we have to?” she asks, but she can tell Jeongyeon’s mind is already made up.

“Yes.” She tugs Tzuyu out of the chair. “You need some sunlight. And maybe a shower.”

“Are you saying I look bad?”

“No.” Jeongyeon scowls, looking disgruntled. “You’re not physically capable of looking terrible even after spending a week in this studio. God made sure of that.”

Tzuyu cracks a smile despite everything and follows Jeongyeon to her car.

Jeongyeon suggested the Han River at first, but Tzuyu vehemently disagreed. There’s too many memories there. An image of Chaeyoung, younger and just as free, forces its way to the forefront of her mind. She tries to focus on other things.

They go to the park instead.

“How was everyone while I was gone?” Tzuyu asks, breathing in the crisp fall air and observing the various colors on the trees. Chaeyoung would love it.

Even when trying to push Chaeyoung out of her mind, Tzuyu still thinks of her.

“It was alright. Jihyo released a new album earlier this month, Sana is starring in a new drama, and Dahyun’s hosting a variety show now.” She looks at Tzuyu, a small smile on her face. “I’m sure you know all this though.”

Of course Tzuyu does. She kept tabs on all her members while she was away, and everytime something new happened, she’d send them a congratulatory text and facetimed them when she could. “What about, you know, personal things.”

Jeongyeon thinks for a long moment. “Mina’s enjoying her time out of the spotlight. She games and watches TV all the time. Momo’s gotten way better at cooking, and sometimes, she has us come over and cooks us all dinner. There’s nothing you don’t really know, since we always update everyone in the groupchat.”

_ Except Chaeyoung going to Europe, _ Tzuyu thinks bitterly. 

A rush of anger passes through her, surprising her slightly. She can count on one hand the amount of times she’s felt seriously angry towards Chaeyoung. They’ve always been able to talk things out before it got too out of hand, so the feeling is unfamiliar.

“What about you, unnie,” she says, pushing down the anger for now. 

Jeongyeon shrugs, looking down at the sidewalk. “I was in the idol life since 2010. Everything’s so different now, I’m just trying to figure it all out.” She does a little half-smile. “Searching for myself, if you will.”

“Soul-searching,” Tzuyu murmurs with a small scowl. “You should’ve gone with Chaeyoung to Europe then.”

There must be something in Tzuyu’s tone giving her away because Jeongyeon looks at her knowingly. “You’re mad about something.”

“No.” She pauses, sighing. “Maybe a little.”

“Why?”

Tzuyu purses her lips. “She didn’t even tell me she was leaving.”

“I found out she was leaving only a couple days before her flight,” Jeongyeon admits.

“Still, she bothered to tell you. She could’ve sent a text before she deactivated her phone. Or told someone else to text me. Or sent a letter. I would’ve been happy with smoke signals at this point. At least it would show she tried.”

“You know what Chaeyoung is like, especially when she travels. She probably didn’t think anything of it.”

“How could she not tell me?”

“You did the same thing when you went to Taiwan.”

Tzuyu falters. “That’s different,” she protests, even though it’s not. She purchased her tickets months in advance, but only bothered to tell her members the day she was leaving. It’s pretty similar to what Chaeyoung did.

Jeongyeon sighs. “Usually, people have a good reason to not say something.”

“What reason would Chaeyoung have to not tell me?”

Jeongyeon stops walking and leads them to a bench, secluded from the pathway and any potential stragglers walking by. She fixes Tzuyu with a serious look. “Chaeyoung really didn’t want her trip to be a big thing. Honestly, I think she was just planning on leaving without telling anyone, but Momo saw the plane ticket when she visited Chaeyoung’s apartment.”

“But why wouldn’t she tell anyone?”

“Chaeyoung didn't say why exactly she was so focused on going to Europe, but I think it’s something really important to her. She doesn’t really like delving into those types of things with anyone.”

“We’re here to support her,” Tzuyu says, thinking back to their final concert, when Chaeyoung didn’t cry because she’s always been someone who prefers to write or sketch her feelings away on paper.

“Sometimes people need to do things on their own.” Jeongyeon pauses, exhaling through her nose harshly. “Just remember, Tzuyu-ya, there’s two sides to every story.”

Jeongyeon’s face holds something Tzuyu can’t decipher, and she doesn’t try. Some things are better left alone. 

Jeongyeon shakes her head, and the strange expression disappears. She puts on her usual smile and stands up, holding out her hand. “Let’s go, there’s this new movie out and I think you’ll like it. There’s dogs.”

Tzuyu smiles and nods, taking Jeongyeon’s hand and allowing the older girl to lead her back to the car. It’s been a long time since she saw a movie in the theater.

The movie is adorable and funny, but Jeongyeon’s words stay at the back of her mind the entire time.

When the doors to the studio open, Tzuyu spins around in her chair to fix Momo with a deadpan look. “Jeongyeon sent you?”

Momo shrugs and grins. “I came to take you out to eat, since you probably haven’t been eating lately.”

Tzuyu’s stomach rumbles loudly at that exact moment, and Momo looks at her, raising her eyebrows. Tzuyu flushes, but Momo is right. She can’t remember the last time she ate food, which is slightly concerning.

“There’s this sushi place that just opened up, if you’re in the mood for sushi,” Momo offers, opening the door to her car for Tzuyu to climb into.

“Sushi sounds good.”

While they eat, Tzuyu asks, “So how’s everyone been while I was away?”

She asked Jeongyeon and Nayeon the same thing when they saw each other, but she’s curious about how each member feels about the five months she was gone. It’s interesting to get a different perspective.

“We were all good. We missed you a lot though.”

Tzuyu blushes, looking down at her own food. “I missed you guys too.”

“How were you in Taipei?” Momo asks. She points a chopstick at Tzuyu accusingly. “And don’t say ‘it was fine’. How were you really?”

“It was boring. I hung around the house a lot, did lots of laying around.” She laughs, a little self-deprecating. “Going from days of nonstop schedules to having nothing to do is weird.”

“Yeah, it’s super weird. I’ve started choreographing the rookie groups’ dances to keep me busy.”

“Do you miss Japan?” Tzuyu asks suddenly. She’s been waiting to ask the question ever since they arrived at the restaurant. 

Momo pauses, chewing thoughtfully. “Yeah, I do.”

“So why do you stay here?”

“Because this is my home.” The way Momo says it is so simple, Tzuyu’s almost jealous.

“What about Japan?”

“You can have more than one home.”

“Then how do you figure out which one to stay with?” she asks. 

Momo sighs, setting down her chopsticks and looking at Tzuyu in the eye. “Where do _ you _ want to be?” 

Momo, though she often gets teased for being the slowest member of Twice, has this simple outlook on life that makes her wise in her own way. Momo doesn’t overthink anything, and it’s a refreshing change from the way Tzuyu seems to second-guess herself on everything she does.

“Ask where you can see yourself for the rest of your life,” Momo suggests.

_ With Chaeyoung, _Tzuyu automatically thinks. But Chaeyoung isn’t here, and Tzuyu’s rethinking her decision to fly back to Korea. She thought she had everything figured out, but she still has so many unanswered questions. She realized she made an impulsive decision to fly here with only childish hope to fill her.

Look where it led her.

“I don’t know,” she says instead, her voice cracking.

Momo eyes her. “I think you do.”

Tzuyu doesn’t respond.

The next visit, Mina’s the one who walks through the door. At this point, Tzuyu is expecting someone to come pick her up, and she has her jacket on already.

“You wanna go to my apartment?” Mina asks.

“Sure,” Tzuyu responds, actually excited about the prospect of lounging around in Mina’s apartment. They both share the quality of enjoying staying in the house and doing nothing, so it’s perfect.

Mina’s apartment is a little different since Tzuyu last saw it. There’s a bigger TV in the living room, and Mina has more pictures on the wall and cabinets now. Tzuyu pauses at a picture of Mina and Chaeyoung posing together, a fantastic waterfall behind them. Chaeyoung is grinning brightly at the camera, and Tzuyu feels the dull ache in her chest increase.

“That was taken in Jeju,” Mina says.

“She looks so happy,” Tzuyu murmurs, the words slipping out without her noticing. She hasn’t seen Chaeyoung smile like that since before she left for Taiwan. She misses it.

“I’ve never met anyone who loves to travel more than Chaeyoung does,” Mina muses. Tzuyu turns to see Mina staring at her. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Tzuyu mumbles, placing the frame back on its rightful place. 

“It’s strange. I prefer to stay at home, so I don’t get Chaeyoung’s need to constantly be in a new place all the time.”

Tzuyu sighs and locks eyes with Mina. “Why are you telling me this?”

Mina gives her a mysterious smile, settling on her couch and patting the spot on the other end for Tzuyu to sit down. “What do you mean?”

“Chaeyoung? Why do you keep mentioning her?”

“Because I think you need to understand why she wanders before you judge her for going to Europe without a word.”

“Jeongyeon told you, I assume?”

“She tells me lots of things. But this isn’t one of them.”

Tzuyu scowls, frustrated at the way Mina kept speaking in riddles. “What does that even mean?”

“Have you ever wondered why Chaeyoung likes to travel so much?” Mina asks, changing the subject abruptly.

_ All the time. _“I already know. She wants to experience all kinds of new things.”

“That’s not all of it.”

“What else is there?”

Mina thinks for a long moment, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Finally, she says, “Chaeyoung is lost. She’s still figuring out who she is and what she wants. When she’s constantly doing something new and exciting, she doesn’t have time to think.”

“How do you know?” Tzuyu asks, hearing the absolute certainty Mina says all of this.

“Chaeyoung and I are close too. We talk sometimes.” Mina gives her a wry smile.

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t be mad at Chaeyoung?”

“No. I’m saying Chaeyoung’s habit of wandering away from home is more than just the desire to experience the world.”

Tzuyu doesn’t miss the purposeful way Mina says _ home_. She doesn’t comment on it either.

“Chaeyoung isn’t like us,” Tzuyu says, gesturing to herself and to Mina. “She’s not a homebody, she doesn’t need a permanent home to be happy.”

Mina shakes her head, looking at Tzuyu seriously. “I think she wants a home, she just doesn’t know where to find it.”

When Tzuyu walks into the studio, there’s already someone sitting in the chair she usually works in. “Hello?”

“Tzuyu-ya!” Jihyo turns to face her with a tired but bright grin. “How are you?”

“Probably better than you,” Tzuyu replies, eyeing the empty coffee cups and Jihyo’s dishevelled appearance. “How much did you sleep last night?”

Jihyo waves her off. “Can’t sleep when creativity strikes.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“It is. Come here, look at what I have so far.”

Tzuyu obliges and walks closer to the computer. Before Jihyo can press play, a large, unopened package catches her eye. It sits next to the keyboard, with Jihyo’s name written in scrawled Hangul, the handwriting achingly familiar. 

Tzuyu feels her breath catch in her throat, and she skims her finger across the writing. Chaeyoung wrote this with her own hands, wherever she was in Europe.

Jihyo looks at Tzuyu. “Do you want to open it with me?”

It’s probably not a good idea, but Tzuyu nods her head anyway.

She zeroes in on the envelope inside the box, hungry for any words Chaeyoung might have sent here. Jihyo hands her the letter, rummaging through the contents of the box instead. Tzuyu tears it open, quickly but neatly. She can’t risk tearing the paper inside the envelope.

_ Jihyo, if you’re reading this, then I successfully sent a package to you from Rome! Are you proud? _

_ I put everything in here and sent it to you because I know I can trust you to get everything to our members. There’s little post-its attached to everything so you know what goes with who. Thank you for being my mailwoman :) The chocolate is from Germany for everyone to share, but make sure Momo doesn’t eat it all. I know she would. _

_ I miss you all, but Europe is amazing. I saw the real Colosseum today! And a couple of days ago, I was riding through the canals of Venice in a gondola. Hopefully, by the time you get this package, I’ll be somewhere in France, trying to speak the language as well as Dahyun. _

_ I hope you enjoy the gifts! _

_ P.S. - Please call Tzuyu to make sure she got hers. Thank you. _

Tzuyu reads over the letter once, then a second time, trying to imagine Chaeyoung sitting on a tiny park bench, writing these words in a notebook while taking a break from exploring Rome.

Jihyo asks for the letter, and Tzuyu hands it to her, the written words bouncing around in her mind. Chaeyoung mentioned her. She sent a gift to Tzuyu, despite the extra costs and effort to send a whole new package to a different country, but she didn’t send a text when she initially left.

Tzuyu isn’t sure how to feel about it.

She looks at the letter again, and there’s no return address, unsurprisingly. “When you think she’ll come back?” she asks, since Chaeyoung didn’t mention anything in her letter.

“I don’t know.”

Tzuyu chews on her lip, a welcome distraction from the thoughts running through her mind. “She’s never done anything like this before. She always comes back in a few days, tops.”

“She always had something to return to.”

“Does she not anymore?”

Jihyo sighs, dragging a hand through her tangled hair. “You’ve been the one who keeps Chaeyoung grounded the best. When you left, she didn’t have anyone to keep her here, so she left for Europe.”

Tzuyu can’t help but wonder if she stayed in Korea instead of leaving, would Chaeyoung have stayed too?

It will either be Sana or Dahyun who comes to drag her from the studio. Tzuyu made a bet with herself while she messes around on the computer. She thinks it’s going to be Dahyun.

She’s wrong. Sana walks through the door with a bright grin, bouncing over to give Tzuyu a kiss on the forehead.

Tzuyu wrinkles her nose. “Unnie,” she whines.

“Tzuyu-ya,” Sana says, tapping Tzuyu’s nose. “You may be twenty-six, but you’ll always be the maknae.”

She can’t argue with that.

“Now come, we’re going to try and bake a cake at my place. I’ve been wanting to try it for the longest time.”

Tzuyu lets herself be dragged to Sana’s car with minimal complaint.

When they arrive at Sana’s apartment, there’s various ingredients set out on her counter. Sana somehow ties an apron around Tzuyu’s waist without Tzuyu noticing, and she has her own apron tied on neatly.

Tzuyu doesn’t question it. Sana can be scarily persistent when she wants something, so honestly, it doesn’t even surprise her.

“Mix these,” Sana says, sliding a couple ingredients over along with a large metal bowl and whisk. 

The instructions are fairly simple, and they put the batter into the oven in less than twenty minutes. Tzuyu starts wiping down the counter while Sana walks to the fridge to get something. She sets down a bowl full of fresh cut strawberries.

“What are we making,” Tzuyu asks, decidedly not looking at the strawberries. It’s laughable really, how a simple fruit can bring up so many memories, but then again, Chaeyoung has been such a vital part of her life, it makes sense how many things remind Tzuyu of her.

“Strawberry shortcake,” Sana says, grinning. “I saw it on Instagram, and I’ve been craving strawberries.” She stares at the bowl. “Too bad Chaengie isn’t here.”

Tzuyu is starting to sense a pattern here. “Yeah.”

Sana hums. “I guess we’ll have to make some for her when she comes back.”

“_I__f _she ever does,” Tzuyu mutters, though she knows it’s ridiculous to think Chaeyoung wouldn’t ever come back. Of course Chaeyoung would come back to Korea, Tzuyu’s just being bitter right now.

“She will,” Sana says, making it sound like the most obvious fact in the world. “She always comes back. Chaeyoung loves traveling, but she loves returning home more.”

Mina’s words from the previous day echo in Tzuyu’s mind. “What if she doesn’t think she has a home here?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tzuyu-ya. If Chaeyoung didn’t have a home, she wouldn’t have returned all those other times she left.” Sana beckons her over, handing her a spoon and some strawberry shortcake. “Try it.”

She takes a tiny bite. The taste of strawberries explode in her mouth, reminding her of countless nights curled up in their dorm, watching movies and eating strawberries together.

It makes her nostalgic, and it makes her hopeful.

“Hey, Dahyun,” she calls out, not even having to look over when she hears the familiar click of the door opening.

“How’d you know?” Dahyun asks, her eyebrows knitting together.

Tzuyu shrugs, sliding on her jacket and walking over. “Lucky guess. You ready to go?”

Dahyun doesn’t tell her where they’re driving, so Tzuyu is sufficiently surprised when they pull up to the Han River ten minutes later. Dahyun looks over to see Tzuyu staring out the window with a strange expression. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Tzuyu murmurs. She should be able to go to some river without freaking out. It’s been three weeks since she learned Chaeyoung left, plenty of time to get over it. She can go to the Han River with Dahyun without thinking of Chaeyoung. “Let’s go.”

Tzuyu deliberately avoids the path she and Chaeyoung went in all those years ago. She may be able to be at the Han River without letting the thoughts of Chaeyoung overwhelm her, but she’s not going to push her luck.

Unfortunately, it means she and Dahyun have to go down a more populated area, and though it’s been half a year since they disbanded, the chances of someone recognizing them are fairly high.

They make it twenty minutes before a young man hesitantly approaches them, asking for their autographs. They both smile and agree, taking the offered sharpie and signing a tiny picture of Twice he keeps in his wallet.

It’s an old one, way back from their debut days. Tzuyu marvels at how young they look. It feels like a completely different lifetime, when they worried about popularity and the public opinion, not scandals and disbanding, and definitely not worrying about being completely in love with someone who’s thousands of miles away.

Tzuyu doesn’t say this, of course. Instead, she bows to the young man, thanking him for supporting Twice, and they’re on their way.

“Did you see the picture he had?” Dahyun asks as soon as the young man is out of earshot.

Tzuyu laughs. “We looked like babies.”

“Well, you and Chaeng were only sixteen when we debuted,” Dahyun says. She pauses. “You both were young. I’m glad you had each other.”

Tzuyu stays silent. The wind whistles in her ears, making her shiver involuntarily. She burrows deeper into the hoodie she’s wearing.

“I know you’re worried,” Dahyun continues, leaning against the railing separating them from the water below. “But she’ll be back. You and Chaeng can never be apart for long, it’s a rule of the universe.”

Tzuyu scoffs. “Sure, unnie.”

“I’m serious!” Dahyun says, turning to look at her properly. “It’s always been you and Chaeyoung ever since we debuted, and it’s going to stay that way for the rest of our lives.”

Tzuyu thinks back to when they first debuted. She and Chaeyoung were practically strangers, with Chaeyoung latching onto Dahyun, and Tzuyu trying to get a feel for all her new members. “We barely knew each other when we debuted.”

“You know what I mean.”

Tzuyu didn’t know what she meant.

“You complete each other, so you two will always end up together,” Dahyun tells her when Tzuyu expresses her confusion. “The universe says so.”

Tzuyu wishes she had as much faith in the universe as Dahyun did.

* * *

**To: Chaengie**

It’s been a month since you left  
I miss you so much  
When will you come back

**Delivered at 7:38 pm.**

**From: Unknown Number**

Message sent to invalid number.  
Please check your number and try again.

**Delivered at 7:38 pm.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting and kudos(ing?)


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, unnie,” Tzuyu greets when she walks through the door, shedding her jacket.

“Tzuyu?” Nayeon sticks her head out her bedroom doorway, a frown on her face. “That’s so weird, I was just about to come get you.”

“I know,” Tzuyu says nonchalantly. Nayeon looks even more confused, but Tzuyu doesn’t elaborate any further.

“Right,” Nayeon mutters to herself, not bothering to ask. She’s probably used to Tzuyu’s cryptic statements at this point. She steps outside her bedroom, toweling dry her damp hair and giving Tzuyu a lopsided smile. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” she says, even though lots of things are up, and there are countless thoughts and ideas running through her mind at the moment. She collapses on Nayeon’s couch. “Can we stay here tonight?”

“Sure. You want get takeout?”

Tzuyu nods.

Sitting on Nayeon’s couch, watching a ridiculously cliche drama and eating an unhealthy amount of takeout, brings a small smile to Tzuyu’s face. It reminds her of the old days, back before the disbandment and before she left Korea for months. 

Before her world was turned on its axis.

“Unnie,” she says halfway through their third episode, reaching for the remote to pause the TV. “Can you tell me more about your first love?”

Nayeon bites her lip and sighs. “There’s not much to know. We were teenagers—young, reckless, hopeful—we were on top of the world, and we thought we were invincible.” She laughs dryly, looking away from Tzuyu. “Being an idol got in the way of things pretty quickly though.”

“You didn’t get caught sneaking around, did you?” Tzuyu asks, her voice shrinking into a whisper. When she trained under the company, her worst fear was to get caught with someone while under the dating ban, even if she wasn’t dating anyone when she trained. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time is enough to cause a problem.

Nayeon shakes her head. “No but we were so scared, we started to crumble under the pressure. In the end, it was better for us to separate. We could focus on the group and not worry about getting caught.”

Tzuyu pauses, noticing Nayeon go rigid. “It was Jeongyeon-unnie, wasn’t it.”

It’s not a question. Nayeon’s slip-up confirmed what Tzuyu already suspected for quite a bit now. Those two always had a deeper relationship though, subtle but noticeable. Tzuyu had her suspicions for a long time, but she never pursued them. If Nayeon or Jeongyeon wanted to disclose any information on their relationship, it was their choice. 

Nayeon sucks in a breath, closing her eyes. She exhales harshly through her nose, her head leaning back to hit the sofa cushion softly. “Yeah, it was.” Her voice is quiet; vulnerable; sad. It’s eerily reminiscent of that night all those years ago.

“You couldn’t live without her. How did you get over losing her?”

Nayeon’s eyes search Tzuyu’s face, looking for an answer that’s probably clear as day. Tzuyu has never been too good at hiding her emotions, despite her ‘icy’ demeanor the public coined her with, and her members are especially adept at reading Tzuyu.

“This is about Chaeyoung, isn’t it.” There’s no question in her voice, and she doesn’t look surprised in the slightest.

The knowing way Nayeon said it, as if she’s known her entire life, makes the knot in her chest untangle and feel tighter simultaneously. It feels like a dam breaks within and tears well up in her eyes. “She’s gone and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Nayeon pulls Tzuyu into her embrace, and Tzuyu lets her. She hasn’t cried once since she found out Chaeyoung left, and everything she’s bottled up seems to explode in the moment. The tears fall rapidly, and she can barely speak. Nayeon’s whispering soothing words and stroking Tzuyu’s hair. Tzuyu’s pretty sure Nayeon’s shirt is going to be ruined by the time she’s finished, but Nayeon doesn’t complain. 

“I thought I had everything figured out,” she’s able to say once her tears slow down to soft sniffles. “I had a plan, but when I came back, Chaeng was gone.” Her voice cracks. “I’ve never felt so dependent on someone before.”

“Chaeyoung is coming back—you know that, right? She’s not staying in Europe forever.”

Tzuyu shakes her head. “Chaeyoung loves to wander. That’s never going to change.” 

She was so _ stupid _ to make a home in someone who doesn’t like to be caged, to stay in one place for long periods of time. They were too different, and when she was younger and more naive, she used to think they completed each other. Was it worth completing each other if it hurt this much when you didn’t have your other half?

Tzuyu doesn’t resent Chaeyoung. She needs to move, similar to the same way Tzuyu needs a home. Tzuyu can’t resent Chaeyoung’s nature, because she thinks it’s physically impossible for her to ever resent Chaeyoung. 

But she wants to stop hurting, and perhaps the only way is to learn how to live without Chaeyoung constantly by her side. Judging by Nayeon’s comment, she has the most experience in this area.

“How did you move on?” Tzuyu asks, studying her hands instead of looking at Nayeon’s face.

“I had to.” Nayeon shrugs, her face solemn. “I learned to live with Jeongyeon without really _ having _ her. It gets better in time.”

Tzuyu swallows past the lump in her throat. “Does it stop hurting—living without having the person you need to live?"

Nayeon stays silent for a long time. Then, “Ask me in a couple years. Maybe I’ll give you the answer you want.”

Tzuyu tries to navigate living without Chaeyoung. She had a taste of it when she was in Taiwan, but this feels different. 

It feels final, in a way.

Chaeyoung is gone, life goes on. In reality, Tzuyu knows Chaeyoung will come back eventually, but she can’t live with this type of reliance on a single person. She has to learn how to be on her own. 

“Try modeling,” Jeongyeon suggests when Tzuyu asks what to do to keep herself busy. “You were born to be a model.”

So Tzuyu models, and when she doesn’t model, she cooks, sings, writes, watches TV, plays games, hangs out with friends. Anything to keep her mind occupied. And it works. She doesn’t think about Chaeyoung nearly as much as before, and she thinks she’s truly learning how to live without Chaeyoung.

One day, she tries out acting on a whim. Sana keeps pushing her to do it, so she might as well try. The media likes her acting well-enough, so she continues. Tzuyu likes it, likes the feeling of slipping into another persona and leaving her own behind. It’s the one time where Chaeyoung isn’t on her mind at all.

Her parents call while she’s on set, telling her there’s packages from overseas that keep getting sent to her. There isn’t a name and her parents wanted to be sure of what it was.

“I’ll check it out when I visit,” Tzuyu says, brushing it off. She has to go soon, her break is only fifteen minutes. She says goodbye to her parents, promising to visit soon. The packages don’t enter her mind again.

* * *

_ Hey, Tzuyu. _

_ I’m currently in Rome. The one in Italy, to be specific. Don’t get mad at me for not telling you, it was a last minute decision to shut off my phone and buy a plane ticket. If I’m going to go on a soul-searching trip, I might as well do it correctly, right? _

_ To make up for my sudden disappearance, I sent you a ton of chocolate and a nice locket I saw in the market. There’s space for a tiny picture, so choose wisely what you put in there. _

_ I hope you’re doing well in Taiwan. I will write again soon, so keep an eye out. _

_ Love, Chaeng. _

* * *

_ Hey, Tzuyu. _

_ Currently in Paris on the Love Lock bridge. It made me think of you. I bought a lock and put it on here for Twice, so we never truly break up. I included a tiny lock in the package too, I thought you’d think it’s neat, and of course, more chocolate. European chocolate is amazing. _

_ I’m not sure where I’m going next, maybe Spain? Who knows, I’ll go wherever the road takes me. _

_ I think you’d like Europe. _

_ Love, Chaeng. _

* * *

_ Hey, Tzuyu. _

_ I remember you mentioned wanting to learn how to play guitar. I saw a pick with an adorable puppy on it in Spain and I had to buy it. Use it to learn how to play guitar! People who can play guitar are super cool (other than the unnies because they’re never cool). _

_ You’d really like Europe. Let’s go on a trip, I’ll take you to all the cool places. _

_ Love, Chaeng. _

* * *

_ Hey, Tzuyu. _

_ I’m at the Tenerife Sea. It’s beautiful during the day, but it’s breathtaking at night. I’m on a cliff overlooking the sea, stargazing right now. I like Europe, but being here alone makes me miss everyone. Especially you, it’s been almost eight months since I saw you in person. Crazy, right? _

_ Maybe I’ll drop by Taiwan on my way back to Korea so I can see you. I miss you so much. _

_ Love (always), Chaeng._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagined chaeng looking at the stars while listening to Ed Sheeran's "Tenerife Sea". give it a listen.
> 
> thank you for your support :)


	5. Chapter 5

Chaeyoung is glad to leave the airport. It’s always so crowded and stuffy there, and she hates it with a passion. It’s nighttime in Taipei, but she feels wide awake. Excitement thrums underneath her skin. She looks around at the glowing buildings, feeling the urge to walk around town until sunrise, taking everything in.

She remembers Tzuyu isn’t far from here and waves down a taxi instead. Chaeyoung tells him the approximate location of Tzuyu’s address in her broken Mandarin. Luckily, he understands and starts driving, hopefully in the direction of Tzuyu’s home. She leans her head against the window, watching the tall buildings pass by, a little bit of longing on her face.

Maybe she and Tzuyu can come back later, and Tzuyu can show Chaeyoung around her hometown. 

When she knocks on the door, Tzuyu’s parents look surprised to see her. Chaeyoung greets them, bowing lowly. Her knowledge of Mandarin is extremely limited, and she tries her best to explain what she’s doing here. She searches her mind for the many words and phrases Tzuyu taught her throughout the years.

Finally, when Chaeyoung comes up with nothing, she simply says, “_Tzuyu_.” 

The look on their faces when Chaeyoung says their daughter’s name is enough to tip Chaeyoung off that something isn’t right.

They let her stay for the night, and they let her use the computer. She’s tempted to call one of her members in Korea, but something stops her. Before she left, she turned off her phone to get rid of any possible distractions while traveling across Europe. Now, she feels like it’d be wrong to use a phone right at the end of her trip when she’s gone three months without it. 

Chaeyoung books the earliest flight to Korea. She briefly considers going out in the city while she has a chance, but her flight is early tomorrow. She wants to be well-rested to see Tzuyu. She grabs her notebook and a pen from her backpack, ripping out a sheet of paper and setting it on the desk.

* * *

_ Hey, Tzuyu. _

_ I don’t know if this is going to get to Korea before I do, but I wanted to write to you anyway. _

_ I’m at your house. In Taiwan, that is. You might think a text is practical, but I want to keep my tradition of only writing letters, even if it is my last day. Your parents told me you left for Korea suddenly, in tears and distraught. I hope everything is okay. _

_ I’m coming home tomorrow. _

_ Love, Chaeng. _

* * *

“Cut!”

Tzuyu snaps out of her character at the sound of the director’s voice. He gives her a thumbs up and dismisses everyone for the day. She sighs in relief. She may like acting, but it’s tiring, and she can’t wait to lounge around on her couch and watch TV.

“Tzuyu-ya!” 

Tzuyu turns to watch Sungjae jogging to catch up with her. She waves. “Hi, sunbae-nim.”

He shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’ve told you a million times, you can drop the formalities. We’ve been working together for a month now, after all.”

“Sungjae-oppa, then.”

Sungjae grins at her. He has a nice smile. “What are you up to tonight?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.” She searches around in her purse for her keys. 

“Okay, well if you want to, me and a couple other co-workers are going to grab some drinks later since we’re almost done filming the rest of the season.”

Tzuyu feels pretty tired, but Sungjae is right. The cast and crew have been working hard, so they deserve a little celebration, right? She nods, looking up from her purse. “Just text me the details and I’ll be there.”

A couple people turns out to be almost the entire cast and crew. She’s an hour into the evening, nursing her third drink, when Sungjae slides into the booth across from her. His cheeks are flushed, and his hair is mussed up in an attractive way that probably has lots of other girls swooning.

He slides over a plate he’s holding. “Want some?”

She shakes her head, giving him a grateful smile anyway. “All yours.”

She wonders why Sungjae chose to sit next to her when there’s plenty of people that probably are better company than her. He doesn’t seem to mind, starting to talk about random things, from acting to the idol life. He fills the silences well, with Tzuyu asking questions here and there. She can see how he was able to host shows in the past. Sungjae fills up silences without making it seemed forced, and he has this magnetic aura that attracts anyone in the vicinity.

In a way, it reminds her of Chaeyoung. The thought dampens her mood a bit, and she looks down at her drink with a tiny frown.

Sungjae notices the change in demeanor quickly. “You okay?” he asks, tilting his head to the side a bit.

She shrugs and takes a sip from the glass, the alcohol burning her throat a little. “Just a little tired.”

“You can go home, none of us will mind.”

Tzuyu chuckles. Most of them are probably too drunk to even notice she left. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna head to my apartment soon.”

“How are you gonna get back?”

“I took the subway.” Tzuyu didn’t want to drive her car, just in case she drank a little too much, and the subway ride from to her apartment is only about fifteen minutes.

Frowning, Sungjae checks his watch. “It’s nearly ten. You shouldn’t ride the subway alone, it’s dangerous.”

He insists on accompanying her to her apartment, and truth be told, Tzuyu’s just a tiny bit more relieved Sungjae is with her. During the day, with her mask, she felt comfortable enough to ride the subway alone, but at night, it’s ten times scarier. Sungjae is a calming, steady presence beside her, providing protection from anyone who has less than pure intentions.

He’s kind enough to walk her from the station, despite her reassurances that he doesn’t have to, citing the streets can be just as dangerous as the subway. Again, Tzuyu is secretly relieved he comes with her.

This time, they walk in an easy silence. It’s not too awkward, at least not for her. Sungjae makes occasional comments about the cars and houses they pass, amusing Tzuyu.

“Here I am,” Tzuyu says, stopping on the sidewalk in front of the complex. Sungjae looks at Tzuyu, his face lit up by the dull streetlights. It’s weird to have to look up to see someone’s face. It feels wrong. She ignores the feeling, smiling at him instead. “Thanks for walking me home.”

He nods and smiles back. “No problem.”

The awkwardness that’s been undetectable all night finally hits Tzuyu with full force. What does she do now? Is a bow too formal? Does she hug him—are they close enough to hug each other? He did just leave everyone to make sure she got home safely, adding thirty extra minutes to his trip. Tzuyu has an internal debate with herself.

“Tzuyu-ya?”

Tzuyu freezes, her voice catching in her throat. Behind Sungjae, she catches sight of a figure, nearly hidden in the dark. The figure moves closer towards Tzuyu, and she can make out the outline of a backpack on their back.

It’s been eight months, yet she’s able to recognize that voice anywhere.

Sungjae follows Tzuyu’s line of sight, and judging from his expression, he knows this is important somehow. “Um, right. I’ll see you later then?”

Tzuyu nods, barely registering his words. “Yeah, see you later. Thank you, oppa.” She briefly considers running inside the apartment complex and never coming out, but Chaeyoung already saw her, and Chaeyoung is grinning widely, and Tzuyu’s heart beats faster because it’s been _ eight _ months since she saw Chaeyoung in person.

Is this another dream?

“I wasn’t sure when you were coming back, but I didn’t want to miss you so I’ve just been walking around and waiting,” Chaeyoung says once she gets closer, her voice sounding both the same and foreign to Tzuyu’s ears. It’s disorienting.

Tzuyu opens her mouth, but no words come out. Her chest feels like it’s about to burst. Chaeyoung seems different somehow. Her hair is a little longer and lighter, and she’s tanner, but it’s not her appearance giving Tzuyu the impression. The demeanor around Chaeyoung is more...self-assured? Happy? Tzuyu isn’t sure how to explain it.

“Chaeyoung-ah?” she finally gets out, her voice quiet. She feels like if she speaks too loud, Chaeyoung will disappear.

“Hey, Tzuyu.” Chaeyoung grins, lifting a hand to give her a tiny salute. She doesn’t act like she left three months ago without a word and left Tzuyu with millions of questions and no one to answer them.

“Three months without a word, and all you have to say is ‘hey’?” Tzuyu should be mad, should ask Chaeyoung for an explanation, but the action is so _ Chaeyoung_, a tiny laugh bubbles up her throat. She’s just exhausted right now, and she can’t find it in herself to be truly angry at Chaeyoung. The fact that she’s a bit tipsy right now also doesn’t help.

Chaeyoung frowns. “You didn’t get my letters?”

“What letters?”

“You know, the ones I sent to your house in Taipei?”

She looks at Chaeyoung. “I’ve been in Korea for three months, Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung falls silent. Tzuyu figures the shorter girl is doing the math in her head. Tzuyu came back right after Chaeyoung left, and she never got any packages or letters. Tzuyu truly hasn’t heard from Chaeyoung in three months.

Suddenly, she’s pulled into a hug. Chaeyoung tucks her head in the crook of Tzuyu’s neck, and it’s so achingly familiar, Tzuyu nearly cries on the spot.

“I don’t want you to think I didn’t want to talk for three months straight,” Chaeyoung murmurs, her voice low in Tzuyu’s ears. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Tzuyu says back. _ I missed you so much. _“Please don’t leave for that long without telling me.”

Chaeyoung nods. Tzuyu’s arms tighten around Chaeyoung almost imperceptibly. She knows she shouldn’t try to hold on tighter, shouldn’t try and keep Chaeyoung here with her. It’s not fair to either of them. Tzuyu shouldn’t be trying to keep her from slipping through her fingers again and again, pining forever after someone who always disappears. Chaeyoung shouldn’t be trapped by Tzuyu, unable to wander when she thrives on exploring the world and its many experiences.

Tzuyu told herself she’d learn how to live without truly having Chaeyoung.

She takes a deep breath, allowing herself to have just this one moment of longing. Just one more moment, and she would be ready to let Chaeyoung live freely. Just one more moment, and then she could move on. Just one more moment, and she’d let go. 

A moment passes.

Tzuyu releases Chaeyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short, quick update! thank you for your comments and kudos! it's all uphill from here


	6. Chapter 6

Chaeyoung makes it hard for Tzuyu to let her go.

Every single day since they reunited, Chaeyoung knocks on Tzuyu’s apartment door at five o’clock in the evening without fail. Sometimes, she comes with food and a large grin, her eyes bright and excited. On those days, they’ll hang around Tzuyu’s kitchen, talking about everything and nothing. Other days, Chaeyoung will tug Tzuyu to the couch and place her head in Tzuyu’s lap, falling asleep almost instantly, and Tzuyu does her best to stay quiet while watching a random TV show.

Tzuyu can’t find it in herself to distance herself from Chaeyoung. It’s like Chaeyoung is the sun, and she’s a planet stuck in orbit—circling close enough to feel its warmth, but never too close because if it did, it would burn.

Tzuyu glances down at the sleeping girl, who looks so peaceful and beautiful while sleeping, it makes her heart beat quicker and her chest ache. She continues to anticipate her daily sessions with Chaeyoung, never once making an excuse to miss it, and always working her plans around it.

Burning hurts, but distance is agony.

There’s a knock at her door, and Tzuyu looks at her clock. Five o’clock, as expected. It’s odd. Chaeyoung has always been quite loose about time, preferring to run on her own clock rather than the world’s, but she’s never late to Tzuyu’s apartment.

It makes her feel special in a small way. She’s important enough for Chaeyoung to be on time for.

“Tzuyu-ya!” Chaeyoung greets her, her signature dimple carved deep into her cheek. Tzuyu’s heart skips a beat. 

“Hi, Chaengie,” she says, stepping to the side to allow Chaeyoung to enter. 

Chaeyoung doesn’t move. She tilts her head, scrutinizing Tzuyu’s outfit. “Do you have a jacket?”

Tzuyu nods, a bit confused, but she grabs a sweatshirt off the coat rack nonetheless and shows it to Chaeyoung.

“Great, follow me.” Chaeyoung starts walking towards the exit of the building without another word.

“Where are we going?” Tzuyu asks. She doesn’t resist—she can never resist.

“You’ll see.” Chaeyoung gives her a mysterious half-smile, her eyes twinkling in a way that promises adventure. It’s a look Tzuyu already attributes to Chaeyoung, but it’s never really been directed towards her.

Chaeyoung leads them to her car, a small, plain-looking one. Tzuyu raises her eyebrows while Chaeyoung climbs into the driver’s seat. “You sure you wanna drive?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“Can your feet even reach the pedals?”

Chaeyoung scowls, leaning over to hit Tzuyu’s shoulder. “Yah!” Tzuyu just laughs, and Chaeyoung huffs, but the corners of her mouth are upturned slightly.

She isn’t sure where Chaeyoung is taking them, and Chaeyoung’s lips are sealed shut, regardless of Tzuyu’s many questions. So Tzuyu cranks up the radio and sings to her heart’s content. Chaeyoung joins in after a bit, her voice soft and soothing, and Tzuyu can’t help but stare. 

She remembers when Chaeyoung’s Melody Project came out. No one knew this, but she used to plug her headphones in and listen to the video on repeat. Chaeyoung’s voice was always able to calm her, something she desperately needed after the flag incident.

It’s no different now. 

Chaeyoung notices her staring and scrunches her nose. “What?”

“You have a beautiful voice,” Tzuyu answers simply.

Chaeyoung’s cheeks turn pink at the comment, and she mumbles out a quiet, “Thanks.”

Tzuyu smiles softly, leaning her head against the window and watching the buildings passing by. Chaeyoung resumes singing, and Tzuyu’s eyes feel heavy. Maybe if she just closes them for a bit, she’ll be okay.

When she opens her eyes again, the car is no longer moving. Tzuyu blinks, trying to regain her bearings. Chaeyoung isn’t in the car with her, and she feels a jolt of panic run through her body. She’s surrounded by trees, which means she’s no longer in Seoul. It’s still light outside though, so she can’t be too far from the city. Why would Chaeyoung take her to some random place and leave her alone?

Leaving for Europe without a word is one thing, but leaving her in the middle of nowhere is completely different. Chaeyoung would never do that to her.

A moment later, Chaeyoung emerges from between the trees. She squints at the car, and when she sees Tzuyu awake and moving, she waves and motions for Tzuyu to join her outside.

Relief floods through Tzuyu. She knows it’s stupid of her to think Chaeyoung left her, but her mind automatically jumped to the worst conclusion.

“Don’t forget your sweatshirt,” Chaeyoung reminds Tzuyu.

Tzuyu nods, sliding into the sweatshirt. The air is chilly—it’s only the cusp of spring, after all—and she shivers, burrowing deeper into the soft material. Chaeyoung looks unbothered by the cold, though she’s only wearing a thin windbreaker and tracksuit pants.

“Chaengie,” she says when she catches up to Chaeyoung. She can see her breath if she squints hard enough, and it’s a sign that it’s too cold to be outside. “What are we doing here?”

“You’ll see.” 

Chaeyoung nudges one of Tzuyu’s hands out of the sweatshirt pocket and laces their fingers together. Chaeyoung’s hand is soft, and Tzuyu suddenly feels impossibly warm despite the cold. Chaeyoung leads them to a small, almost unnoticeable, trail between the trees, her posture comfortable and confident. 

Tzuyu stills when she sees where Chaeyoung wants to go. She’s never been one for nature, and definitely not for nature that she could potentially get lost and die in. Chaeyoung seems to sense her hesitation and shoots her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand once.

Tzuyu allows herself to be guided along the trail. She trusts Chaeyoung.

A couple minutes later, the trees become less dense. Chaeyoung noticeably grows more excited the further they walk.

“We’re here,” she announces, letting go of Tzuyu’s hand to spread her arms out, as if she’s showing Tzuyu a magnificent building or something. With a familiarity which shows how much time she’s spent here, she walks up the incline to a smooth, flat rock and takes a seat.

Tzuyu raises an eyebrow, looking around them. “It’s trees,” she deadpans, wondering why Chaeyoung had taken her here when they could’ve just seen trees by the picnic bench where they parked the car.

Chaeyoung laughs, patting the spot beside her. “It’s different here.” 

Tzuyu rolls her eyes, but she walks up the incline anyways. Her breath catches in her throat.

Chaeyoung is right. The view is entirely different. They’re by the edge of a large drop, right in the middle of the forest. Up here, it seems like she can see the tops of trees for miles, and the sky is closer than ever. By now, the sun is setting and starting to streak the sky in beautiful hues of orange and pink, and she wishes she had her phone to take a picture. Though, a picture couldn’t come close to capturing this experience.

Up here, it’s calming and exciting in the same way being around Chaeyoung feels like.

“Woah,” she breathes, sitting beside Chaeyoung and tucking her knees under her chin.

“Yeah, I know.” Chaeyoung smiles softly, the sun reflecting off her eyes in just the right way. Tzuyu can’t paint to save her life, but she has the strange urge to paint Chaeyoung as a way to preserve the moment forever. 

Chaeyoung picks up a tiny pebble, tossing it over the edge. “After our final concert, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everything changed so much and I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“So you went to Europe to find yourself,” Tzuyu guesses. It would sound terribly cliche, like the plot of some tacky coming-of-age movie, but with Chaeyoung, it sounds normal, like she was born to go soul-searching on a different continent.

Chaeyoung shakes her head. “Even before Europe, for those long five months, I would return here every day. When I felt lost and I wasn’t sure where to go, this place was here." Her voice lowers. "It was my safe haven."

“And now?” Tzuyu asks, her voice just barely above a whisper. She’s almost afraid of the answer, afraid of Chaeyoung breaking her into pieces again.

“Now?” Chaeyoung repeats, turning to look at Tzuyu, her gaze burning holes into Tzuyu’s very soul. “Now I have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my chapters are getting short, but it helps me stay interested in writing them rather than forcing myself to write long ones. sorry to anyone who's used to long chapters


	7. Chapter 7

_ You’re my home too_, Tzuyu doesn’t say. “Yah, Son Chaeyoung. I’m sure you said that to all the girls you met in Europe.” She forces out a laugh, her mind grasping for straws to get out of this dangerous predicament.

Chaeyoung doesn’t laugh with her. “No, just you.”

Tzuyu glances at the watch on Chaeyoung’s wrist. “I probably need to get home soon. I have work tomorrow.”

Chaeyoung smiles at her—the fake kind that leaves Tzuyu’s stomach rolling in discomfort. Her abrupt change in subject works though. Chaeyoung stands up, wiping her palms on her pants, and holds out a hand for Tzuyu to take. “Well, we can’t have Korea’s best actress tired while filming.”

“So greasy,” Tzuyu mutters, taking Chaeyoung’s hand anyway. She pointedly ignores Chaeyoung’s gaze. They walk together in silence that isn’t nearly as comfortable as before. 

Tzuyu feigns falling asleep in the car. Chaeyoung doesn’t call her out on it. 

It seems to take forever before the car pulls to a stop and Chaeyoung gently taps her shoulder. “We’re here.”

Tzuyu glances out the window. Indeed they were. She smiles, hopefully looking genuine. “Thanks for tonight. I had fun.”

“Me too.”

Tzuyu gets out and leans down to look Chaeyoung in the eye. “Drive safely.”

“Tzuyu-ya,” Chaeyoung says before Tzuyu can shut the door, a conflicted expression painted on her face, clear as day.

Tzuyu bites her lip. “Yes?”

Chaeyoung seems to be searching for words to say, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Finally she says, “Nothing. Sleep well.”

Tzuyu isn’t like Chaeyoung—she’s not fearless and reckless. She’s just a coward.

  
  


“Jeong visited me today while you were at work,” Nayeon tells her while they’re cooking dinner.

Tzuyu makes a non-committal hum, trying to pull her mind back to the present time. Chaeyoung hasn’t visited in two days, and she doesn’t know what to think. She doesn’t want to face Chaeyoung, but at the same time, she wants nothing more than to see Chaeyoung. 

“We talked. She told me she’s been doing a lot of thinking ever since we disbanded.” Nayeon pauses. “I think she wants to try again.”

“That’s great,” Tzuyu says, genuinely happy for her two friends. “What did you say?”

“I told her I wasn’t sure.”

“Oh.”

“It’s been ten years.”

“But you still love her,” Tzuyu says. She knows Nayeon tries her best to hide her feelings behind laughter and confidence, but she couldn’t fool Tzuyu as well as she could fool the public.

Nayeon looks down. “Yeah.”

“So why don’t you try?”

“I don’t know if I can.” Nayeon clenches her jaw, her eyes suddenly shiny. Tzuyu’s heart drops. 

Tzuyu guides them to the couch, knowing cuddles make Nayeon feel better when she’s down. Nayeon lies her head against Tzuyu’s shoulder and slings an arm around the younger girl’s waist. 

“Jeongyeon loves you too, you know,” Tzuyu says, remembering back to what Dahyun thinks about how the universe works. Jeongyeon and Nayeon love each other, no matter what. The universe says so.

“I’m scared of getting hurt again.”

Tzuyu glances at Nayeon from the corner of her eye, and she takes a deep breath. “If we don’t do things because it scares us, what are we doing with our lives?”

Nayeon stays quiet. So does Tzuyu.

Tzuyu looks at where her keys lay on the coffee table, the key to Chaeyoung’s apartment seemingly glowing. She makes a decision.

* * *

_ Hey, if you’re looking for me, I’m at my family home in Incheon. I’ll be home soon, don’t worry. _

* * *

“Incheon?” Tzuyu murmurs, reading over the note Chaeyoung left on her kitchen table. She calls Nayeon.

“Right, I forgot to tell you. While you were in Taiwan, Chaeyoung purchased a vacation townhouse for her family.”

“Do you have the address?”

“I don’t think so, but Jeong does. I can call her-”

“No, I can."

“Okay.” She hears Nayeon take a deep breath on the other line. “I’m glad you’re doing this, Tzuyu.”

“Let’s hope I’m right about this,” Tzuyu says. 

She sets the note back on the table, accidentally brushing against the laptop Chaeyoung left open. The screen lights up, and Tzuyu glances at it automatically.

Her stomach drops.

  
  


“Unnie,” Tzuyu says as soon as Jeongyeon opens the door, preventing Jeongyeon from greeting her. “What’s Chaeyoung’s address in Incheon? I need it now.”

“Um, I think I have it written on a paper. Wait one sec.”

Jeongyeon beckons Tzuyu inside before she disappears to her room. A minute later, she emerges with a small piece of paper clutched in her hand. She gives it to Tzuyu with a knowing grin. “You finally gonna tell her?”

“Hopefully.” Honestly, Tzuyu doesn’t really have a plan. All she knows is she needs to tell Chaeyoung everything going through her mind currently without any fear or restrictions.

“Good luck. I know it’s hard to be the one to make the first move.” Her voice turns wistful at the end.

Tzuyu smiles in what she hopes is a reassuring way at Jeongyeon. “You and Nayeon will work things out.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah,” Tzuyu says, and she thinks of Chaeyoung and prays Chaeyoung is still there. “Anything’s possible if you want it to be.”

  
  


Once Tzuyu steps off the subway, she feels the nerves kick in. She resists the urge to run back through the doors and stay on the subway forever—living in fear and letting Chaeyoung slip away.

_ No _, she thinks to herself. She’s tired of this never-ending cycle they seem to be stuck in. She needs to break it. Whether it’s for better or for worse, that’s up to Chaeyoung.

She flags down a taxi, keeping her head down and hoping no one stops her. Normally, she’s happy to talk to any fans, but right now, she’s in a rush. She doesn’t know what Chaeyoung is planning, but she needs to get there before anything drastic happens.

It seems to take forever to get to Chaeyoung’s house, though it only took ten minutes at most. She pays the driver and thanks him before hurriedly walking to the door and knocking. She hopes Chaeyoung is here, hopes she hasn’t left yet for-

“Hello?” The door opens, revealing Chaeyoung. She looks like she just woke up, her hair messy and clothes in disarray. Chaeyoung squints at her. “Tzuyu-ya?”

“Chaeyoung,” Tzuyu breathes, feeling relief flood through her at the sight of the shorter girl. “Can I come in?”

“Um, sure.” Chaeyoung steps to the side, despite her obvious confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you.” She gestures to the couch. “Can we sit?”

Chaeyoung nods.

“Look,” Tzuyu starts, trying to think of how to convey her emotions. She’s never been good at that, especially when she tries to do it in Korean. “I’m so scared right now.“ She takes a deep breath, her heartbeat thundering in her ears and nerves making her feel slightly sick.

Chaeyoung grabs Tzuyu’s hands, looking concerned. “What’s wrong? Do we need to go to a hospital or something?”

“Please listen to me.” Tzuyu looks at their joint hands, trying to find a tiny sliver of bravery from the sight. “When I came back from Taiwan, I was planning on telling you everything, but you were gone without a word. I learned to live without you there because I had to, and I hated every second of it. I hated not knowing where you were, or if you were okay, and not being able to talk to you about the most random things. And when you came back, I was so scared you were going to leave again, so I didn’t say what I wanted to.”

She can feel Chaeyoung staring at her, speechless, but Tzuyu doesn’t dare look up. “Chaeyoung-ah, you’ve been my home ever since Twice debuted. I wanted to tell you that before you leave for America.”

“Tzuyu, what?”

“I saw you were looking at flights to America on your computer.” She holds up a hand to stop Chaeyoung from speaking. “I understand. You want to go to new places, do new things, meet new people, and I _ get _ that. I don’t want you to feel trapped because of me, but I don’t think I can move on until I get this off my chest. And I’m sorry if I’m laying all of this on you so suddenly but I was scared you already left and I’m kinda panicking right now and-”

“Tzuyu,” Chaeyoung interrupts. “Breathe.”

Tzuyu obliges, shutting her mouth and finally looking up at Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung is frowning, and Tzuyu wants to reach up and smooth away the little wrinkle between Chaeyoung’s eyebrows.

“You know, I was looking for two tickets to America,” Chaeyoung says.

“Are you bringing your brother or something?” Tzuyu asks.

Chaeyoung raises an eyebrow, a half-smile forming on her face. Something clicks in her mind. _ Oh. _

“Tzuyu-ya, do you wanna go to New York with me?” Chaeyoung asks. “I do love traveling, but it’s so much better if I get to do it with _ my _home.”

Tzuyu’s heart skips a beat, and in a split-second decision, she throws her arms around Chaeyoung and hugs her. Chaeyoung hugs back just as tightly, and they stay there, suspended in time and letting everything sink in.

“I think I’m kinda in love with you,” Tzuyu admits.

“Me too,” Chaeyoung says back. “I have been for a while.”

“Me too.”

“Good,” Chaeyoung says, and Tzuyu can feel the girl stifle a laugh into Tzuyu’s shoulder.

“Good,” Tzuyu repeats with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you it was all uphill from here :)


	8. Chapter 8

“Tzuyu?” 

There’s a gentle nudge against her leg, and Tzuyu blinks slowly, trying to remember where she was. When her vision clears, she realizes she’s on a plane, the lights dim and occasional beeps every now and then. She looks Chaeyoung, who also looks sleepy and disoriented.

Right, they’re in America now. New York City, to be more specific.

Tzuyu isn’t sure how much time has passed since she tracked down Chaeyoung in Incheon. Perhaps a day or two? A week at most? Her sense of time is muddled—all she can focus on is Chaeyoung. It’s taken them so much time to get to this point. Tzuyu, looking back on her career with Twice, thinks she’s always loved Chaeyoung in some way, even if she only came to terms with it while in Taiwan. She’s loved Chaeyoung unknowingly, secretly, silently.

_ Chaeyoung loves her back. _

They figured out so many things recently, and yet, so many things are still unanswered. Tzuyu doesn’t feel rushed. They have time. She’s pretty sure she’d give Chaeyoung all the time in the world if the shorter girl asked.

For now, they’re content to go to America together. Tzuyu’s trying out Chaeyoung’s method of traveling. Instead of mapping out attractions and restaurants and hotels, she’s going in completely blind. It’s scary—Tzuyu isn’t used to this type of uncertainty. 

“You okay?” Chaeyoung murmurs, her voice low from disuse. She squeezes Tzuyu’s hand, somehow sensing the thoughts and worries running through Tzuyu’s head. Tzuyu takes a deep breath. She has Chaeyoung, and that’s all she needs. 

“Yeah,” Tzuyu says, squeezing Chaeyoung’s hand back, making Chaeyoung smile softly.

Once they exit the airport, Tzuyu stares at New York city in awe. There’s towering skyscrapers and countless people going about their day and wildly different stores. It’s similar to Seoul, but it’s also very different. She can’t quite put her finger on it, but it’s not the same as Seoul.

Tzuyu glances at Chaeyoung and sees the barely contained excitement in her eyes—a sight that’s quickly becoming more and more familiar. It used to worry Tzuyu since it usually meant Chaeyoung disappearing for a day or two without contacting anyone. Now, she feels the same infectious excitement.

“Let’s eat,” Chaeyoung suggests, grinning when Tzuyu gives a nod of confirmation. They walk hand-in-hand down the busy street, looking at the many street vendors and shops in curiosity. 

They end up in front of a corner shop, a large sign outside the door displaying the price of a slice of pizza. Is a dollar considered a good deal? Tzuyu isn’t too sure, but Chaeyoung seems interested, so they walk inside the shop. Chaeyoung places her hand on Tzuyu’s back to guide her to the back of the line. 

Chaeyoung orders two slices while Tzuyu looks around at their surroundings. It’s weird being out in the open without masks or managers or multitudes of fans trailing them, but it makes sense, considering they focused on promoting in Asia rather than in America. Besides, it’s nice to be able to be normal, even if it’s just for a little bit.

It’s nice to walk with Chaeyoung down the busy street, having the feeling of freedom that was so hard to obtain in Korea. Tzuyu now can see why Chaeyoung always seemed to gravitate towards new places. If this is how it felt, Tzuyu can’t truly hold it against her for going away from for so long. 

She’s glad Chaeyoung chose to bring her this time around.

Chaeyoung turns to look at her at that exact moment, pizza hanging precariously from the paper plate and a long string of melted cheese tying Chaeyoung and the pizza together. Chaeyoung tilts her head—she’s always so attuned to Tzuyu’s emotions—and Tzuyu swears her chest swells with pure adoration.

“What?” Chaeyoung mumbles, finally managing to separate the cheese from the pizza.

Tzuyu smiles softly, reaching out to swipe a tiny bit of sauce near Chaeyoung’s chin with her thumb and bringing it to her mouth. “Cute.” She’s never been really good at expressing her emotions, especially the type where she has to take a risk to show them, so it’s a surprise how the words seem to fall naturally from her mouth.

Chaeyoung chuckles, a bit embarrassed, and looks down. It’s a stark contrast from their usual conversations where Chaeyoung would say something that makes Tzuyu’s heart race and cheeks redden. It makes Tzuyu’s confidence surge, and she leans forward to place a kiss on Chaeyoung’s cheek.

“Tzuyu-ya…”

Tzuyu laughs, schooling her face into a wide-eyed expression, something she perfected in her younger years to get her unnies to do anything for her. “What?”

Chaeyoung rolls her eyes and throws away their trash before linking hands with Tzuyu. “C’mon, I have more planned for us than this fancy dinner.”

“Fancy?” Tzuyu teases, allowing herself to be led by Chaeyoung.

“Only the fanciest for you,” Chaeyoung replies, winking at Tzuyu. Ah, now they’re back to the normal routine where Chaeyoung turns Tzuyu into a blushing mess. Typical.

Chaeyoung seems determined to lead them to a specific spot, which surprises Tzuyu. She thought Chaeyoung would be loose about places and timing, preferring to explore whatever catches her eye rather than follow a schedule. This must be important.

Eventually, they reach a tall building Tzuyu’s seen in many pictures, though she can’t quite remember the name at the moment. They walk inside, and Chaeyoung tells Tzuyu to stay back before going to talk to the doorman. After a few moments, he reaches under the desk and hands Chaeyoung a keycard.

“C’mon,” Chaeyoung murmurs, slipping her hand into Tzuyu’s, something that’s quickly becoming a pattern. Tzuyu likes it—she hopes Chaeyoung never stops holding her hand.

Chaeyoung swipes her keycard in a slot next to the floor buttons, and a green light glows shortly after. Tzuyu examines it, trying to figure out exactly where they’re going. “Chaeng?”

“Surprise,” Chaeyoung immediately responds, making Tzuyu pout. “Stop pouting at me, I became immune to that years ago.” She pauses. “_Mostly _ immune, so stop looking at me like that, Chou Tzuyu. We’ll be there soon.”

Tzuyu sighs, deciding not to push it. Though, she’s curious to see whether Chaeyoung had really become immune to her puppy-eyes, or she’s just bluffing, she decides to allow Chaeyoung to have this for once. The shorter girl seems excited for what she has in store, and who is Tzuyu to ruin that?

It seems like forever (maybe it is) before the bell rings, signaling their stop. Chaeyoung tightens her grip on Tzuyu. “It may be a bit much at first, but don’t freak out.”

“You’ve come to murder me,” Tzuyu deadpans, making Chaeyoung slap her shoulder.

“You caught me,” Chaeyoung says, nudging Tzuyu out of the elevator and towards two glass doors. “Now c’mon, the sun is setting and I want to see it from here.”

“Where’s here-” Tzuyu’s voice dies in her throat the moment she walks through the glass doors.

They’re standing on a small balcony overlooking the city. Tzuyu can see the tops of buildings and the water all the way on the other side and the countless people that are barely specks on the ground now. She looks out to where the sun nearly is gone below the water, casting a golden light everywhere, then she looks down at the thousand-foot drop, her stomach flipping with nerves.

It’s exhilarating and terrifying being this far up in the air, only a railing reaching her hips separating her from falling.

“This reminds me of you,” Chaeyoung comments, leaning against the railing with her forearms and seeming a lot more calm than Tzuyu feels.

“How?” Tzuyu asks, gripping the railing so hard her fingers turn white.

“I could fall at any second and never return, and that’s _ terrifying _ me. But it’s also calming in a way. It feels like I’m invincible, like nothing can hurt me while I’m here.” She looks at Tzuyu. “That’s how it feels like when I’m with you.”

Tzuyu looks back at Chaeyoung. Her eyes are dark and stormy and honest. It makes Tzuyu feel like she’s soaring, and she inches closer to Chaeyoung on the small balcony. “Is that a good thing?”

Chaeyoung grins, her dimple carving into her cheek. “Depends. Do you think you’ll fall with me?”

“I fell a long time ago,” Tzuyu confesses lowly. She reaches up to cradle Chaeyoung’s jaw and leans in. She can feel Chaeyoung’s breath ghost over her lips, warm and inviting. Tzuyu stills. She wants Chaeyoung to decide. It doesn’t take long for her to move forward and capture Tzuyu’s lips.

Years of unspoken words and hidden feelings manifest, and Tzuyu’s brain short-circuits because she’s finally _ kissing Son Chaeyoung._ Kissing Son Chaeyoung thousands of feet in the air while overlooking New York during the sunset, no less.

Chaeyoung really knows how to make a girl feel special.

They kiss until air becomes a necessity, and then they break apart. Chaeyoung laughs quietly. “I fell too.”

They stay on the balcony until the last rays of sunlight disappear, then they have to go back down before they can charge Chaeyoung’s credit card anymore. Tzuyu doesn’t let go of Chaeyoung’s hand the entire time.

She isn’t going to let go ever again. 

“Where to next?” Tzuyu asks when they exit the building.

Chaeyoung shrugs. “This was as far as I planned. Got any ideas?”

“Lead the way,” Tzuyu says, content to go anywhere as long as Chaeyoung is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely lots of fun for me to write, and I hope you all enjoyed it half as much as I did! I am currently co-authoring another Chaeyu fic, so go check it out!
> 
> Thanks for your kudos and comments!

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @softchaeyuhours!


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